'Tis the season for... counselling?

CHRISTMAS is traditionally a time for families. Whether it is a touching TV commercial or a cute Christmas card, in the run-up to December 25 it is hard to avoid images of beaming pyjama-clad children racing to see what Santa has left in their stocking, or families in matching knitwear pulling crackers at the dinner table.

And while most will be looking forward to spending some quality time with their nearest and dearest, for others, Christmas is anything but merry and bright.

In fact, according to Bishop’s Stortford psychotherapists Sarah Fahy and Debbie Sharp, for some families, the holidays can hold as much appeal as a cold Brussels sprout.

Sarah, 48, a married mother of three, said that traditionally they see a peak in people seeking out their counselling services over Christmas and New Year as families are pushed to breaking point.

“There are lots of reasons why this happens at this particular time of year,” she explained. “People have real problems with bereavement and loss at Christmas, especially remembering someone who is not here any more, and there is also massive financial pressure. The expectation that everyone has to have a jolly time and that the children all get what they want can also be really stressful.”

Debbie, 44, added: “There’s also being forced to spend time with people you don’t particularly like, especially with step families and in-laws.”

Having run their own private practices, they have now teamed up to launch Stort Family Work to help local families in crisis, whether they are struggling to cope with separation or divorce, are in financial difficulties, have suffered a bereavement or are experiencing other changes that are disrupting normal family life.

Working together at their offices in Bridge Street, they are able to support family members in any combination, from parents and couples, individually, to the whole family group.

Debbie, who has previously worked with victims of crime, abuse, domestic violence and sexual assault, as well mentoring women in prison, said: “Working with the family as a whole means everybody gets the opportunity to talk about their own experience of what’s been going on. It’s a chance for them to communicate with each other in a different way.”

Sarah, who worked for a family mediation service in Harlow before moving into private practice, added: “You get to hear different sides. What we’re offering is really a bespoke service as every family is assessed on what’s going on in their home life.”

Hearing from the children can present a different perspective to what the family are facing.

“We’re very mindful of what’s happening to the children and how they’re affected,” Sarah said. “Parents are generally supportive of their children’s right to have their say and I’m always surprised how open they are.”

Debbie added: “Children have such huge anxiety about parental separation. Often they don’t want to upset [their parents] or be seen to be favouring one over the other.

“We’re not there to judge them or tell them what’s right or wrong. We allow them to express themselves in a way that perhaps they’re not able to at home.

“We provide a safe space for them to voice their emotions without having to shout or act in an angry way or be extreme in their behaviour.”

Sarah added: “Sometimes talking about it is enough; to acknowledge what people are feeling and that those feelings are valid. Sometimes just knowing that it’s OK to be feeling those emotions can be a relief.”

For their parents, it is a chance to start communicating again.

“There’s a lot of miscommunication in adult relationships – you get into guessing what the other person is trying to say and stop really listening,” Sarah said.

“I think in British culture there’s a sense that you have somehow failed if you’re depressed or anxious or come to therapy, but I think it takes a lot of courage to want to turn your life around and do things differently.”

Debbie added: “The people we see want to make things better for everyone involved. In most cases, they already have the answers – they just need some help reaching them.”

For more information, visit www.stortfamilywork.org.uk. Sarah and Debbie will be writing a series of online articles on family relationships for the Observer website starting in the new year.