How to cure a hangover

You can’t. Sorry. There’s no proven route* to a fuzz free head and a sick free bathroom. But there is a shed load of dodgy recipes and sworn-by concoctions to try and get 2012 off to a good start with instead…

So, fighting for the grand heavyweight title of “Best Hangover Cure Ever” we have:

1. Water – sip in between pints or glug down by the litre after stumbling home. Hydrating is the fastest way to say goodbye to an almighty headache and dry mouth and if you don’t fancy water, isotonic sports drinks speed up hydration and raise your salt levels. 

2. Fry-up – or the classic bacon sarnie. Fat, grease, meat and ketchup = heaven in bread. But, if you get down to the science of it, high levels of aminos in bacon will help relieve pressure in your head by topping up neurotransmitters in your brain depleted by alcohol.

3. Hair of the dog – you’re lying to yourself! Another drink will just postpone the inevitable, not alleviate it. And if you’re tempted by a raw egg option with Worcester sauce, Tabasco and a shot of vodka, beware: it’s not a cure, it’s a salmonella cocktail.

4. Sleep – you’ll probably still feel groggy even if you snooze through a hangover. Alcohol can disrupt sleep patterns, particularly the REM portion, leaving your body prone to waking as it processes the toxins you’ve poured into it. And no, passing out isn’t sleep! 

5. Exercise – hitting the gym might wake you up but physically it’ll make you more dehydrated. You’re better off nipping outside for a blast of fresh air to clear your head than sweating out your pints.

6. (Legal) drugs – popping pills to kill off or prevent a hangover can lead to stomach irritation and bleeding (ibuprofen + alcohol) or an utterly broken liver (paracetamol + alcohol). Necking fatty foods and milk before going out is much more effective for lining your stomach.  

7. Oxygen – gulps of pure oxygen will banish a hangover so say scuba divers. So if you can get hold of a tank…

8. Saline drip – it’ll replenish your fluids and pump you full of vital vitamins and minerals. Know any doctors who can hook you up?

9. Deep fried canaries – no proof and the RSPB won’t be happy, but Ancient Rome swore by these feathery snacks.

10. Lemon armpits – too much tequila or does it work? In Puerto Rico, rubbing a lemon wedge under your drinking arm is meant to keep you hangover free.

And my ultimate tip? Cold pizza from the night before and a dip in the sea works every time. What would you recommend?

* Unless you don’t drink… sob.

ella.walker@cambridge-news.co.uk